To be completely honest, I have dragged my feet about writing this reflection for the last two weeks.  January was a FULL month, it honestly felt like at least 6 months.  I am finishing up my “January” book, “5 Habits of a Woman Who Doesn’t Quit” by Nicki Koziarz.  The fourth habit has really stuck out to me.  “She gives others what she needs.”  Through all the things that have happened in the past month, I have tried to take a short second before my initial reaction and think about what it is that I need right now, and try to apply it to the situation.  Currently I feel like I need patience, grace and understanding above all else, and I have tried to react to each situation with those things.  It is amazing the sense of peace it has given me in many situations by doing this.

I assumed that January would be a difficult month for me, I was really dreading all the memories flooding back from last January, but instead, what I found when I saw a Facebook memory or something else that tied a memory to last year, I didn’t feel sad, I actually felt blessed.  I am blessed to no longer be in that situation, I was blessed by MANY people in my life at the time who carried me through such an incredibly dark time.  I knew it at the time, I thanked them, prayed for them, and was so grateful of all the friendships and simple words of encouragement that came, but seeing it once your out of it, the blessings were HUGE, and God sent me exactly what I needed at that time, even if I didn’t know it.

I’d love to say that I’ve been perfect and always turned things over to God, rather then trying to do it on my own, but that would be a huge lie.  I’m far from perfect, and frankly, until the last year, I am not sure I ever really turned everything over to him.  There were times last year that I thought I did, and then I would catch myself trying to do it my way or on my own…and I usually fell on my face.  This past month, I really truly tried to let go, approach everything with a more “breezy” go with the flow, let god lead me attitude.  When that feeling of doing or reacting to something my way came over me, I tried to pray instead.  The calmness and peace is such a contrast from my life the last twenty years, I truly hope I can continue this approach.

When I first picked up this book last month, I choose it because I felt like a failure, like I was always quitting things and that just made me feel horrible.  Ironically, the lessons to me have more to do with living my life in general, in a way that provides and environment that doesn’t feed into my “desire” to quit.  When things aren’t going nuts, when there aren’t a ton of things to make excuses about, it’s easy to follow through with your commitments and goals.  So for February, I am working on keeping these approaches in the front of my mind, and challenging you to really think about whether you are handing things over to God or trying to control your life.  If nothing else, go out and give the world what it is YOU need right now.  You may not get it back in the place or from the person you are expecting it, but I promise it will come back to you!

2 Corinthians 9:6

“whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. “