It’s no surprise life is HARD, even harder alone. It’s probably one of the single most terrifying things about divorce…will I be alone forever? Obviously I am never really alone, I’m THE parent 24/7 365 days a year, and its exhausting….oh wait, that’s not the kind of alone I’m referring to. It’s the kind of alone where you have no one to share your life with, have conversations with, go on adventures, just have fun. I’d like to say that it wasn’t something I ever worried or thought about, but that’s not true. I did a lot the first 6 months, then it seemed to move more toward times of high stress or boredom, and its been weighing heavy on my heart the last few weeks again as I sort through some things.
In 2008 I got on a website for moms, it was ran by the Indy Star Newspaper, it was called “Indy Moms”. It was this magical place where moms from all walks of life, at various ages and stages of motherhood came together for beautiful, civil discussions on topics from marriage, motherhood to controversial current events. OK just kidding, it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows, but it was a pretty powerful place. This was the place where 10 years later many of us formed some of our deepest friendships. They would host Mom Night Out (MNO) Events and get people together IRL. It was September 2008, and I decided I was going to go to one. Remember I rarely went out, and even more rare to go out alone, but I decided it was happening despite the consequences I might face at home. At this event I met 4 of the most amazing women. One of them was getting ready to move into my neighborhood.
I remember nervously taking a welcome basket to her family when they moved in to break the ice a bit. I don’t remember a ton about those first few weeks, but I do know we because fast friends. We talked everyday, went to the store together, had MNOs with the other 3 ladies we met from the event. Our families began doing things together, we could have been The Real Housewives of Indianapolis, except we weren’t rich or perfect, ok she really is kind of perfect, but that’s another story (and I know she is rolling her eyes and saying “whatever” as she reads this.) My youngest was only 8 months when we met. The other day he said he thought Amy was his Aunt (insert big AWE, how cute). As time went on the group drifted apart, but Amy and I remained friends.
Now as you can imagine, the closer we got the harder the push was from my ex for us not to be friends. He slowly started making it more and more difficult for us to hang out and we drifted apart for a few years. However there were those moments when he was out-of-town, or I was just over being told what to do, when we would pick up for a little while were we left off. It was never really quite the same, but in many ways it was. It’s one of my big regrets from the time, is missing out on those years with her.
We moved away a couple of years ago, (ok well not far away, but 20 minutes away) but as fate would have it, 3 months later they also moved away in the same direction we had moved, about 3 miles away from us (completely unplanned, although I’d like to think she just needed to be close to me, just kidding.) Now it’s definitely not the same as being able to walk to each others houses, or as convenient as stopping to pick the other one up on our way to the store, but it sure beats it being 20 minutes away.
The morning I got up to file for divorce, it was her that I called to go with me. With the exception of making me drive because it was downtown, she was right there to do whatever it was I needed. Over the last year we have once again grown closer, and I can not imagine ever going back to the way it was before.
Just over a year ago I remember sending her a text to see what she was up to. I needed out of the house, but she already had plans with some other friends. She said just come along with us, turns out us was a bunch of couples (insert MAJOR anxiety attack). I sort of wanted to beat her ass for the whole third wheel thing, but I’m SO glad I went. I met what would turn into the 3rd in our new little “squad”.
A couple of weeks ago we had a little impromptu GNO and happened to go to the same place we had gone for my birthday about 3 months earlier. It struck me as I was getting ready how much they had changed me. For my birthday they literally had to drag me out, I was all kinds of a pain in the butt, sorry girls. This time it was my idea. In typical Jen fashion, I am sitting here in tears at the memories of the last year with our little squad. I can not even express how much it means to me to have these two in my life. They are my “people” and both bring such an important history, perspective, personality to our little group. I can’t think of a single thing I have gone through that one or both of them didn’t have the perfect thing to say to help me through it, even if I take a little longer to follow their advice then I should sometimes. I am surrounded by lots of people, but in the end some may come and go, but these two are stuck with me forever!
Even though I’ve been having a hard time the last few weeks. LOTS and LOTS on my mind and in my heart, I will never be alone as long as I have our lunch, dinner, wine, coffee and group message therapy sessions. The moral of the story, your never really alone as long as you surround yourself with people who get you, love you and will help you unpack your baggage along life’s journey.