miss you bear

Those three words have so many different meanings.  As I recently had a conversation with my daughters about “missing” people (OK…realistically, they are teenager girls it was about one of them missing a boy), one had remembered my earlier words to her on this subject.  Letting her sisters know it was “OK” to miss people, in fact it was needed in relationships.  All of this sparked a much deeper conversation with them about the different types of missing someone.

There is the standard I miss you, when referring to someone you have not seen and are wishing they were there with you.  This is the type we were referring to in our conversation.  Explaining that in order to really value a person, to continue to respect them and never take them for granted, you must have time to miss them.  Your heart, your soul, it can really show you how much a person truly means to you when you have that time to miss them.  It’s not really a “sad” miss you, because you know you will see them soon.  Whether that’s hours, days, weeks or even months in some cases, you will see them again.  It’s just a temporary thing.  It’s a positive thing and should be looked at that way.

Then there is the I miss you, that really refers more to the “old times”.  Those people who are no longer part of your life due to change of location, circumstances or even friendships or relationships that have ended.  These tend to be more of a missing the “experience” of that person.  The way it made you feel at the time, or the missing the way things were.  It’s not usually accompanied with pain, more of a longing of what once was.

Then there is the one that hurts!  The one you can feel deep within your soul.  The one that causes the tears to flow.  The kind of I miss you, when you are never going to see someone again, due to death or in some cases an end of a relationship that meant a lot to you. As we talked about this one my thoughts immediately went to my grandparents who have passed.  This year marking the 10 year anniversary of my grand fathers passing. I cried as we talked and I’m crying as I write even now.  This to me is the worst pain.  Missing someone who you just wish you could hug one more time.  Even the things they do that annoyed you make you miss them.  Sure time makes it easier, but its the kind of pain that there really is no fix to, and it just sucks!

As we finished our talk and I had a few minutes to reflect on everything we had discussed, I was thinking about the fact that I often feel regret and worry about the examples of relationships that they have been exposed to.  Fear that they will repeat my experiences because it’s what they have grown up with.  Then as I realize that they do in fact listen (which makes me so incredibly proud of their maturity and trust they have for my advice), and not only hear it themselves but remind each other and share it, I have hope.  Hope that these lessons I’m desperately trying to teach them are getting through to them.  Hopeful that they will not have the same heartache I have had in my life.  So I may never be able to show them by example what its like to have someone who truly loves you, I hope that they will not settle for less than they truly deserve. I hope they will take these lessons and put them into practice in their own relationships and find true happiness within themselves and to share with others in their life.