I’ve always been very optimistic by nature. I can see the good in things and people easily. When someone has a certain “reputation”, I have tried to always give them the opportunity to show their true character to me vs taking the opinion of others. There have been many times this bites me in the butt and yet other times when I have discovered a truly amazing individual behind the rumors. When times get tough, even when the tunnel is really dark, I have been able to see the light at the end of the tunnel despite the darkness more often then not.
Recently I have been faced with more then my fair share of trials, just about every aspect of my life has thrown up a challenge in the past three months. It’s been truly exhausting. Thinking back to the beginning of May just before picking Andy up from college, I was so full of hope and excitement for the coming months. Nothing could have prepared me for what would happen in the coming weeks. My emotions have been on a non stop roller coaster, worse then pregnancy…yup…that bad!
This past weekend I spent 40 straight hours relaxing (most of it sleeping). My mind had finally had enough. I had gotten to the point that I had literally considered selling everything we own and did not “need”, picking a new place to live, preferably in a much warmer climate and starting over. Obviously this is not the best choice, I’d have at least a couple children really angry at me at minimum. So I rested!
After some much needed rest and social hibernation, I realized one catastrophic mistake I had made all summer. I had spent so much energy on trying to outwardly “appear” optimistic, despite the fact that I was starting to unravel, that I hadn’t taken care of myself to ensure I actually was mentally able to remain optimistic. I had only occasionally exercised, I had on several occasions for days at a time stopped eating or ate very very little, I wasn’t even staying hydrated, and my sleeping habits had become nearly non existent. Mentally I had returned to the expectation of making it appear that I had my shit together no matter what, and trust me I did not have even a little of my shit together most of the time.
Clearly this has been a huge wake up call, as I can think of dozens of other examples of this being how I dealt with stress and such. So as I get the new calendar ready for the school year, and BEFORE I begin to fill it with all the games, practices and other activities, I am literally schedule time for me first. Just me…not social me, but time just for myself! Including time to sleep! I’m hopeful that despite the emotional roller coaster of the past few months, that this lesson will make the future less painful or at minimum tolerable to deal with when it gets icky! No more letting the optimism curse take over and have me putting on the fake smile, just real authentic positive energy being sprinkled around my world.