“If you have been brutally broken, but still have the courage to be gentle to others then you deserve a love deeper than the ocean itself.” – Nikita Gill
I’ve experienced it and I’ve seen it far to many times with my friends. Sometimes we are just so broken from our past relationships that we don’t think we deserve love anymore. Or maybe we are just too scared to give our heart away. Heartbreak feels like what I imagine death could feel like. That pain that makes living unbearable. You can feel not just emotionally hurt, but also physically ill. I swear I think I’d rather have the flu for a month than deal with heartbreak, its just so unbearable.
The hardest part about heartbreak, in my opinion, is being able to take down that wall and give your heart again. You know what its going to feel like if you get your heart broken again, but the sad part is you’ll never experience the pure joy of having someone love you the way you deserve to be loved, if you aren’t willing to risk that potential heartbreak.
This one hits me so hard at times. I could be having a fine day, and out of the blue I heard his words…”Good luck ever finding anyone who will love you!” It’s the last thing I remember him saying to me. I can still feel what it was like hearing it the first time. I can still see the entire scene playing out. It was HORRIBLE, and now its haunting at times. It starts the dangerous spiral of “you aren’t enough”. I know it isn’t true, but there are days, sometimes weeks, when I can’t shake the feeling, and I just want to give up entirely. I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s my biggest fear, never getting over hearing those words. But that’s an entirely different post, hell that could probably be an entire book. So let’s move on…
I know I deserve love. I know I am capable of being loved and I am completely certain I am capable of giving love. But at times, those words come painfully back and remind me of where I have been and where I still have to go.
For those of you out there that have experienced that brutal broken feeling, keep on being kind to others, don’t let your heart harden to the world, don’t allow yourself to put up a wall so thick and high that you never allow anyone in again. One day you will find that love within you, the love that only you can give to yourself, and eventually you will have the love of another that you deserve. You have to forgive yourself and be brave and let down your wall, take the risk and be patient, be present, but I have to believe it will happen, if we just keep ourselves open to it.